Wad I want..

Before I turned 21....I wanted to marry a man I love, settled down and have kids...
That was my idea of a perfect life.

At 21...
I wanted to marry a guy I love but who loves me more than I love him.
I wasn't so sure on kids anymore..

At 22....
I wanted to marry a guy whom I can trust and who can take really gd care of me..
I din want kids anymore...

At 23...
Fidelity seems to be a myth...
it's not just abt not trusting my man but nt even being able to trust myself..

Adamant on not hving kids...cuz..
I'm selfish.
I dun wan to love my kid more than I love myself.
I dun wan my hubby to love the kid more than he loves me.

I think I want to settle down in Norway,sit by e fireplace, trek the icy mountains, do research on witches and eat salmon everyday...tt'll be real cool...

Woozies..

I feel sick in e stomach...through n through..
was at body combat class, dg e warm up n bending down when all of a sudden, e vomit came right up to my mouth n disgusting as it is, I had to swallow it right back, clamp my hand over my mouth n carry on with e punches n jump kicks..
I had tis sudden vision of me puking all over r studio, green in e face, e aghast expresssion explicit on Calvin's face n e distinct looks of horror on the rest of e team...
n of me being banned frm Fitness First Capital Tower forever...greattt..

Managed to hold it back till after e class b4 i rushed to e cubicle n threw up lotsa liquid...
I think it's cuz i drank too much tis wk AGAIN...though i shud prob feel more guilt since it's less to do with work n more to do with my own social act..
Went to Ladies Night at Double O on Wed n downed 12 glasses..Bourbon, tequilla, vodka, Bacardi,gin, VSOP cognac n lotsa beer...
cuz after everything last wk, i decided it's time for me to train myself to a higher level of threshold where it comes to alcoholic intake..
It was total fun, esp since it's FOC, haha, though e after effects were less than amusing to me...
N had stout mixed with beer with Wen at Brewkerkz on Fri after a tummy splitting buffet at Merchant Court..

Add to tt: I've nt been to e gym e entire wk except for Sunday
Been running outdoors with Gabbie during lunchie...ran thrice n twice, we ran in e rain
The rain was real heavy on Tues n on e way to e gym, we spotted this guy running in e heavy rain n unisoned, "Siao eh!" without knowing tt 10 mins ltr, me thoroughly bored with e stairclimber n her with e stuffy air in e gym, we were to find two crazy gers running down e wet slopes of Gombak, feeling e squishy squashy water in our running shoes...Bt it was total fun, veri refreshing n true female bonding

Tml, I'll hv official dinner again...n though it's at this great Italian restaurant which i've been yearning to go, e churning acids in my tummy plus e fact tt there's no escaping the wine toast makes me dread it.
Cuz all i want is a nice snuggle in my bed, accompanied by my fave books...
Wail!!

It'll be the BIG day next wk..
found another running khaki in M who stays near me n is gg for e half marthie as well..
Though we most prob wun run tog since he's bound to be faster than me.
I've been real unhealthy tis past 1 wk, time to shake tt off, abstain frm alcohol n rich foods.
By e time i blog next time, Stand chart wud hv been over, I'll be thinking of someone all through my quest to e finishing line.
hope tt'll gif me e determination n sheer grit tt i need..

bdae pics...hate growing old..

Innocence Lost...

Glad these 2 wks r finally over
Had numerous official meals, Chinese, fusion, Australian, Italian bt wad's worse is tt e alcohol I've consumed tis fortnight..red wine, white wine, half n half (stout n beer mixed), champagne, whiskey, martini, cocktail, beer exceeds e entire amt i usually consume in a yr itself..

N i realise I've lost even more faith in love, marriage n fidelity....
Ignorance is bliss cuz I feel tainted somehow.....

23!

yeap! Officially 23 of age today n here I am, at e departure lounge, looking out at e planes n surfing e net..
Working for e whole of tis wkend n i reallie pray all will go fine...
A few hiccups in e morn, as it is oredi...
Bt gotta say tt e VIP complex is realliiiieee cooool...

Yest spent a veri nice albeit stressful bdae celeb din with e 2A'ers at Cafe Cartel...
Fones in btw tt i had to manage to ensure tt everything goes fine e next day n thx to them for acc me to recce e Italian restaurant...
I think i'll njoy my 23rd bdae, perhaps as one grows up, one's bdae doesn't reallie matter tt much any longer..
I'm just contented to hv my gd pals ard me, tucking into a nice din, cakes n laughter..
One does learn to be a lot happier with less expectations...

I've been way busy tis wk, tt i've onli been to e gym twice..plus all e food tt's gg to be consumed tis wk...
Chinese,Italian, fusion and seafood, i'll need to work out a lot more...:-(

I'm truly happy on my bdae this yr cuz it's nt derived frm anyone else..
I'm happy jus cuz I am...
hope tt'll stay e same always...:-)
CiAoZ!

Bleah..

Nat commented tt i hv a v. sian blog cuz all i blog abt is exercising..
hmmm..tt ain't true la!
Well, i can't blog abt my work so e stuff i can blog abt is restricted to wad i do after work n norm, i'm mostly at e gym, if nt, hanging out with my pals...
Been blogging more tis wk, i guess cuz had enuff rest with all e phs...
Was a total slugball yesterday, i slept e ENTIRE day..
Mum managed to coax me out of gg to e gym, she's getting better at this, i need to resist n stand firm!
Been eating lotsa chocs recently cuz there're always some found in e pantry, sheesh...
I'll hafta spend next wkend working, so nt looking fwd to it..
2005 reallie passes in a flash....hard to believe it's almost over n tt I'll be working for half a yr soon.
2005 has been kind to me compared to 2004 n i'll be sad to bid it farewell...though of cuz e victims of e numerous catastrophes tis yr will def feel differently..

My cousin was diagnosed with cancer last wk n he departed tis world 2 days ago...leaving his wife n 2 young kids...
Hw transient life is...

I Did It!

I did a half marathon on e treadmill today!
21 km, no more, no less....n jus as i hit 21 k, e time changed to 2 hrs 11 mins exactly, i tot tt was rather significant.
Had planned on dg 15 k at first bt pushed myself to do 21 k as i felt tt wud overcome my doubts abt completing e Standchart half marthie...
e toughest part abt dg a long run is e sheer monotony of it, stamina wise, i cud still handle it.
Kept motivated by telling myself i cud do it n thinking of tt 100 plus drink waiting for me at e end of my run.
As expected, legs din feel like mine after tt, did a leisurely 20 mins of cycling b4 dragging my weary legs to e steam rm.
So managed to up my mileage to 21 km! shall try some outdoors runs next time!

"Knowledge is when u hit the finish line n keep on gg..."

A running fren jus told me over msn tt her max mileage is 26 km!!
n she's gg for e full marthie..
Gosh! tt's it, i need to kick my ass n i reallie need to hit e rd for a gd, long run tis wkend.
I've decided I'll run to Orchard...e bus ride to Orchard norm takes an hr, nt too sure hw far tt wud be.
Bt I'll strive to complete e distance, gd luck to me!

Life is gd.....cuz of Jay..

Hiakz, i'm in such a gd la la mood, jus gt my Jay Chou cd plus his poster!
Gd stuff is worth waiting for, jus like e new Harry Potter movie as well, listening to his cd nw, reallie lifts my mood.
N e title of e cd is whimsically beautiful....November's Chopin....
Nov is here again, my fave mth of e yr, nt jus cuz it's my birth mth, i guess...
Quite a few novels I've read always describes Nov as a most dismal n depressing mth, tt's wad gifs November tis wistfulness, a certain grey n sombre mood, a longing for e past...of beautiful times tt hv faded bt yet will always be engraved in one's memories...
Yupz, Nov is dear to my heart.

Yest met best chum at Spageddies for a seafood fest n was wrecked with terrible, terrible stomach pains, it was so painfully intense tt i tot i had food poisoning...
Bt it was gd time spent, been almost a yr since me n juan gt tog...
We dun reallie bitch when we ged tog, we confide in each other, rather n it feels gd to pour out one's heart to someone who always has been my best fren n always will be..
Today, had a nice, oily local brekkie instead of my usual bread then slept in, managed to drag myself to e gym for a 10km run cuz buffet at The Rice Table tonite..
Tt seems to be e modus operadi nw, to whack a 10k before every buffet.
N i've realised tt this is my 3rd buffet in 2 wks...plus tml will hv official lunch again, i need to work out more..
Tml Bollywood dance will start! Wheeee! Can't wait...
Saw some Halloween characters at Orchard Rd last nite n reallie reallie wished I was at Zouk for Halloween nite...sighhh, it was such gd timing too since the next day is a ph...
Was supposed to go ladies nite tml bt in e end, decided agst gg with jj n her colleagues, cuz figured it wud be weird anyway, given tt e 2a'ers cudn't make it.

N esp to Nat, happy belated bdae! so sorrie, i had no idea it's ur bdae, seems like u had so much fun!! I miss our DDR grp so much, u, Wens n Sam...
n ha, Shizhi....u n CL will be way at e front lor, be sure to cheer me on at e fin line, i may take a reallie long time, though!
I miss my fellow historians n there's a history chalet, i din even noe! Boo!

The Xmas decos r up at Orchard Rd, been gg to Orchard almost everyday so will see e transition this yr...
Was walking ard e supermart n some memories of 2 yrs ago flashed into my mind...i've always felt tt walking ard e supermart with old fashioned Xmas tunes playing in e background with one's loved one is a most romantic thing to do...
bt was suntanning on Sunday n reading Shape when this line just struck me as particularly apt...
talking abt how it's beautiful jus to be happy n contented spending time by oneself..
Tt's true...