Growing Up..
This is something that has always been on my mind, something that I've always wanted to write about...but I felt like I had nt yet crossed the line yet, tt line which declares that I'm officially an adult...that I've truly grown up..
But with the end of my academic exams, the veri last one in my life...I'm no longer a student. I'll be thrust into the working world soon.
So I guess I'm considered a grown up in this sense...finally..
When I was in primary sch, I tot that gg into secondary school sounds so grown up.
When one is in sec sch, we dun have to go straight home after school, we can go to nearby shopping malls and have fast food there.
N we had class gatherings n stayed over at chalets....
That sounded pretty grown up to me..
Then...I tot to myself at 13 that 16 sounds like a gd age to be in a relationship..
Sweet Sixteen..tt's wad they always say so tt stuck in my mind n i had a vision of me at 16, young, pretty n sweet...basking in the glow of romance...
I figured 16 would be the age in which I'll be all ready for romance n love..
But at 16, I still felt like a geeky secondary sch student, scooting hm after lessons to do my hw ... feverishly preparing for the O Levels...
Came JC....JC sounded reallie cool to me..
We could wear sports shoes! I could keep long hair!
We din sit in e classrm, waiting for tchrs to come...lessons were called lectures n tutorials....felt like a university student..
We could zao lectures, bondemp school...sneak off to KAP n could jus linger in school for ECA till late at nite...
JC was when lotsa pple I noe started getting attached..
N I still felt tt sense of wonderment whenever I hear of a fren or acquaintance getting tog with another guy/ger...
There were lots more guys in JC....18 was also the age in which pple always say tis...at 18, a ger is at her peak...she's like a fully blossomed flower..
I looked at myself in e mirror n tot to myself tt if this was wad I look at my best, I shudder at the state of my looks in the future.
18 sounded so old to me..almost 20...n no longer reallie a teenager too...at least tt was wad I felt at tt pt.
At e end of my jc life, I gt attached, went into a relationship.
I rem thinking to myself...holding hands with another guy, I'm a grown up!
I'm mature, I can handle a relationship!
My first long stint job....relief teaching...I'm a teacher nw!
Taught 13 PE classes, 1 English class, 1 Maths class n was co form for one class.
I had to wear formal wear, gt to sit in e staff room, students greeted me as Ms Liao.
Yet...I still felt like a little kid...
I still cried when those guys in 3L vexed me too much..
I was still brimming with excitement and happiness when I flew out to meet him as he waited for me at my school on e first day of work.
Then came university....
Tot of those days when I visited NTU campus, watched those hostelites study, mix ard n was filled with awe by hw much fun their lives seemed...
Tot to myself...being a university student is way cool,we can chuck out our sch uniform n wear funky clothes of our own, wear makeup, earrings, mix n match our own outfit...arrange our own timetable...n nt hv to go to sch everyday..
That muz be wad a grown up is all abt..hving Freedom...
The relationship started gg downhill abt a few nths after he moved into Eusoff..
Caught up in e hall frenzy...with his hall frens...guys...gers..
He used to pamper me so much even though I was reallie mean to him...
I din feel like I was in a rs at all...n i din feel grown up at all..
I dinnoe hw to handle it.
Lost..
Bewildered...
n hurt...
I was a little ger again....frequent quarrels, fights..cried...numbness..exasperation...n finally...the ultimatum...n resignation...I gaf up.
Year 2, 2nd sem...moved into hall.
Staying apart frm e parents, hving the freedom n liberation to stay out as late as I wanted to or even nt to return to hall at all...
I could go clubbing n return in e wee hrs of e morn, go out for supper with my frens...
I felt all grown up then.
Broke up with the first one on V day 2003 n went out with Ric on e same day...
Lotsa emotional stuff bothering me then.
The first one sorta grew up with me, was with me when I made e transition frm jc to university...when I turned into a young woman..
Ric was 3 yrs older...he felt like a man to me whilst I tot of myself as still pretty much childish...
He was not jus a bf to me, he was like a father n a brother too...
Veri street smart, ambitious, capable n veri considerate n caring towards me..
He tokked about our future, his job aspirations, our marriage...
He taught me pool, beach volleyball, invested for me...
Introduced me to his grown up frens...pple in their 20s, 30s, n 40s..
Took me to his frens' church wedding n another wedding dinner on a ship..
We went to KL for our wkend getaway...
We bought winter wear for our New Zealand trip..
Met his mother, stayed over at his hse, we prepared meals tog...went to Msia on car trips...
He was dg reallie well at his job n though I nvr tot abt marriage at all, he mentioned it frequently n i started thinking of him as a potential long term partner instead of jus a bf....tot of him as my final destination instead of jus a stop...
Came e devastating breakup...
The first one wasn't tt bad...i knew it was coming, I had endured it for 1 yr, it was my decision, one I had considered for a long time..
I knew I had grown along with my first rs...
I was no longer tt demanding, inmature or unreasonable..
Told myself tt a rs had to be mutual, I cud nt jus take n nt gif..
The 2nd breakup was horrible...
On e last day of my exams in yr 3 sem 2..
Perhaps, I had relied too much on him, he encouraged my dependence, din like me to be too independent of him.
That was wrong.
I din jus lose him.
I lost part of myself as well..
Wad happened to our future, our wedding plans, our NZ trip?
I tot he was The One...
With this breakup, it took me a long long while to come to terms with this..
Learnt a lot....can't help but grow up with this relationship....
Love n relationship is no longer as simple, innocent or dream like to me anymore..
After him, the little romantic episodes here n there were mere ripples in my heart...except perhaps e last one..
That was serious but yupz...nothing happened, more of serious in terms of wad I felt.
Learnt to let go....come to terms with reality... part of growing up..
We learnt tt things dun always go e way we want n tt pple come n leave,they enter our lives, left indeible footprints n then leave again...
Even if they're pple we cherish n treasure lots, there's jus no way we can hold onto them n nt let go..
Letting go may be e best thing...for all involved..
First overseas trip with my frens...My graduation trip.
Last academic exam...last day as a student..
Tot of a lot of things on e plane....
Of the different phases in my life...
Of the 2 special pple I've met in NUS...bt whom i eventually had to let go..
Of e gd frens I gotta noe in NUS...Wen n my history peeps...whom I reallie hope to hold onto..
Of myself..
Hw I've learnt to accept a lot of things in life...hw I've learnt to let go....let go of the past n look towards e future..
Soon...I'll be part of the working world...a world of full fledged adults..
I'll hv to be responsible for my own work, my job...my career.
I should finally be an adult nw...rite...?
I'm all grown up nw?
I dun feel tt way but I noe I'm on my way....
So this is wad growing up is about....
Painful...bitter sweet...
It ain't easy...bt we all hv to go through it...
But with the end of my academic exams, the veri last one in my life...I'm no longer a student. I'll be thrust into the working world soon.
So I guess I'm considered a grown up in this sense...finally..
When I was in primary sch, I tot that gg into secondary school sounds so grown up.
When one is in sec sch, we dun have to go straight home after school, we can go to nearby shopping malls and have fast food there.
N we had class gatherings n stayed over at chalets....
That sounded pretty grown up to me..
Then...I tot to myself at 13 that 16 sounds like a gd age to be in a relationship..
Sweet Sixteen..tt's wad they always say so tt stuck in my mind n i had a vision of me at 16, young, pretty n sweet...basking in the glow of romance...
I figured 16 would be the age in which I'll be all ready for romance n love..
But at 16, I still felt like a geeky secondary sch student, scooting hm after lessons to do my hw ... feverishly preparing for the O Levels...
Came JC....JC sounded reallie cool to me..
We could wear sports shoes! I could keep long hair!
We din sit in e classrm, waiting for tchrs to come...lessons were called lectures n tutorials....felt like a university student..
We could zao lectures, bondemp school...sneak off to KAP n could jus linger in school for ECA till late at nite...
JC was when lotsa pple I noe started getting attached..
N I still felt tt sense of wonderment whenever I hear of a fren or acquaintance getting tog with another guy/ger...
There were lots more guys in JC....18 was also the age in which pple always say tis...at 18, a ger is at her peak...she's like a fully blossomed flower..
I looked at myself in e mirror n tot to myself tt if this was wad I look at my best, I shudder at the state of my looks in the future.
18 sounded so old to me..almost 20...n no longer reallie a teenager too...at least tt was wad I felt at tt pt.
At e end of my jc life, I gt attached, went into a relationship.
I rem thinking to myself...holding hands with another guy, I'm a grown up!
I'm mature, I can handle a relationship!
My first long stint job....relief teaching...I'm a teacher nw!
Taught 13 PE classes, 1 English class, 1 Maths class n was co form for one class.
I had to wear formal wear, gt to sit in e staff room, students greeted me as Ms Liao.
Yet...I still felt like a little kid...
I still cried when those guys in 3L vexed me too much..
I was still brimming with excitement and happiness when I flew out to meet him as he waited for me at my school on e first day of work.
Then came university....
Tot of those days when I visited NTU campus, watched those hostelites study, mix ard n was filled with awe by hw much fun their lives seemed...
Tot to myself...being a university student is way cool,we can chuck out our sch uniform n wear funky clothes of our own, wear makeup, earrings, mix n match our own outfit...arrange our own timetable...n nt hv to go to sch everyday..
That muz be wad a grown up is all abt..hving Freedom...
The relationship started gg downhill abt a few nths after he moved into Eusoff..
Caught up in e hall frenzy...with his hall frens...guys...gers..
He used to pamper me so much even though I was reallie mean to him...
I din feel like I was in a rs at all...n i din feel grown up at all..
I dinnoe hw to handle it.
Lost..
Bewildered...
n hurt...
I was a little ger again....frequent quarrels, fights..cried...numbness..exasperation...n finally...the ultimatum...n resignation...I gaf up.
Year 2, 2nd sem...moved into hall.
Staying apart frm e parents, hving the freedom n liberation to stay out as late as I wanted to or even nt to return to hall at all...
I could go clubbing n return in e wee hrs of e morn, go out for supper with my frens...
I felt all grown up then.
Broke up with the first one on V day 2003 n went out with Ric on e same day...
Lotsa emotional stuff bothering me then.
The first one sorta grew up with me, was with me when I made e transition frm jc to university...when I turned into a young woman..
Ric was 3 yrs older...he felt like a man to me whilst I tot of myself as still pretty much childish...
He was not jus a bf to me, he was like a father n a brother too...
Veri street smart, ambitious, capable n veri considerate n caring towards me..
He tokked about our future, his job aspirations, our marriage...
He taught me pool, beach volleyball, invested for me...
Introduced me to his grown up frens...pple in their 20s, 30s, n 40s..
Took me to his frens' church wedding n another wedding dinner on a ship..
We went to KL for our wkend getaway...
We bought winter wear for our New Zealand trip..
Met his mother, stayed over at his hse, we prepared meals tog...went to Msia on car trips...
He was dg reallie well at his job n though I nvr tot abt marriage at all, he mentioned it frequently n i started thinking of him as a potential long term partner instead of jus a bf....tot of him as my final destination instead of jus a stop...
Came e devastating breakup...
The first one wasn't tt bad...i knew it was coming, I had endured it for 1 yr, it was my decision, one I had considered for a long time..
I knew I had grown along with my first rs...
I was no longer tt demanding, inmature or unreasonable..
Told myself tt a rs had to be mutual, I cud nt jus take n nt gif..
The 2nd breakup was horrible...
On e last day of my exams in yr 3 sem 2..
Perhaps, I had relied too much on him, he encouraged my dependence, din like me to be too independent of him.
That was wrong.
I din jus lose him.
I lost part of myself as well..
Wad happened to our future, our wedding plans, our NZ trip?
I tot he was The One...
With this breakup, it took me a long long while to come to terms with this..
Learnt a lot....can't help but grow up with this relationship....
Love n relationship is no longer as simple, innocent or dream like to me anymore..
After him, the little romantic episodes here n there were mere ripples in my heart...except perhaps e last one..
That was serious but yupz...nothing happened, more of serious in terms of wad I felt.
Learnt to let go....come to terms with reality... part of growing up..
We learnt tt things dun always go e way we want n tt pple come n leave,they enter our lives, left indeible footprints n then leave again...
Even if they're pple we cherish n treasure lots, there's jus no way we can hold onto them n nt let go..
Letting go may be e best thing...for all involved..
First overseas trip with my frens...My graduation trip.
Last academic exam...last day as a student..
Tot of a lot of things on e plane....
Of the different phases in my life...
Of the 2 special pple I've met in NUS...bt whom i eventually had to let go..
Of e gd frens I gotta noe in NUS...Wen n my history peeps...whom I reallie hope to hold onto..
Of myself..
Hw I've learnt to accept a lot of things in life...hw I've learnt to let go....let go of the past n look towards e future..
Soon...I'll be part of the working world...a world of full fledged adults..
I'll hv to be responsible for my own work, my job...my career.
I should finally be an adult nw...rite...?
I'm all grown up nw?
I dun feel tt way but I noe I'm on my way....
So this is wad growing up is about....
Painful...bitter sweet...
It ain't easy...bt we all hv to go through it...
posted by Witchy at 11:52 AM
12 Comments:
Growing up is always an on-going process, everyone has a unique experience. I guess, imo, grown up or not is subjective. It shouldn't matter that much just to think over the subject of growing up, but more on thinking of how our actions can and will impact others at any point of time.
Do remember that even though the process might be bitter or painful, you still have a good bunch of friends around who will and has supported you over these years.
Well, take some time to rest before starting work. As much as your aim of completing the stan-char run is impt, you're not a robot, don't overload your legs again!
A friend
Gal, u r back!!! I really like this post of yours. Concise, thought-provoking, I wish I can write like you. But I decided some time ago that I won't write about my past relationship becos it will sound like I'm bitter about it, but I really am not. BUT yes, growing up is a bittersweet process. I'll write mine down so that we can share our stories.
Might sound cliche but sometimes it's best to put the past behind you and move on.
Happy Growing up :)
The quick brown fox
The quick brown fox? sounds familiar...hmm..
Yeah, jen...heez, do write down ur story too, we can all share n learn...:)
写得很好，很丰富！人生嘛，没"舍"，又哪来"得"了．
wooo....quite a few anonymous comments for this post.
Thanks, all..even though I may nt noe who u guys r...:)
Painful stuff but I guess that is life. Seems that you are dealing with it all like the grown-up you now are.
Lazy Dog
hey i like this post of urs too girl! very thought-provoking indeed..every stage u wrote, memories of myself in tt same stage just flashed back. just finished my fyp presentation n i'm so happy cos i'm finally OUT OF NUS!!! :P
Yup, very concise and meaningful post of yours here. Brought back memories of my own school days, esp the part about pon-ing lessons and sneaking off for meals at KAP(or simply go home, haha). When I was in pri sch, used to think that being able to take public transport home by oneself is a rather grown up thing, no longer a little kid, haha.
PS: welcome back to spore!
-Elfie
haha, thanks all...guess at this stage, we all tend to get nostalgic abt the past...
WAh a very long and emotional piece of posting witchy. I like it. So personal and so real. Yah we are now graduating to the working world. Things will change but friendships can remain. However it requires the effort of both parties and not just you or me alone lah. Let's hope that whatever friendship that we have formed in His hon Years will continue to bloosom.
Yupz, Chris..I do hope tt we still hv history gatherings in e future...haz, i've nvr been to one yet!
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