Carry me through.....

I'm in a much better mood compared to yest and feel much more at peace with myself today.
Perhaps, it has to do with the rainy weather that permeated our sunny island the entire day.
Or maybe, it was the fact that after slaving over my macroecons essay for half the day, I've finally completed it.
But most of all, I think it's cuz i rediscovered Kristin Armstrong's blog on Runners World.com.
I used to read her blog frequently back when i was still in touch with my running soul.

Suddenly remembered it this mornin, read it and that was it.
B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L
She never fails to inspire me.
Not just her commitment to running but also her gratitude for her life and everyone and everything she loves.
She wrote about a friend who used running to get over a relationship and hence now associates running with loneliness and heartbreak which was her friend has never ran after her heart has healed.

She wrote about running in the rain being liberating and allowing us to relieve our childhood days as we prance around the rain, stepping over muddy puddles.
That was exactly how I felt as I swaim in the heavy rain yesterday. The pitter pattering rain drops felt so good as it hit upon my face. The pool water felt warm as I surged forth with every stroke. I love dancing in the rain, splashing through water, getting my hair all wet and enjoying a nice, hot shower after that. The child in us always yearns for that but the adult in us requires us to put on a socially accepted facade. Still, letting go every now and then brings about so much fun and freedom. n i think we need that in our lives.

I know that I've turned my back on running and realised that not running has actually made me a less contented person. I have more grievances, I fail to see matters beyong my perspective, I doubt myself and my abilities. But most of all, I feel like I've lost part of myself.

I yearn to find that me again. The energetic, confident ger who could still find the strength and stamina to go for a 20km run with my training buddy after two gruelling hours in the gym. The one who signed up for every single race in the calender year and steadfastedly trained for it.

I've not gone for a single race this entire year. The Standchart Half Marathon will be my first race this year. Despite the fact that I've not trained for it at all, I'm determined to go for it. Crawl as I might, i simply hope to finish the race and find back the exuberation that I once used to indulge in after every single race.

And I think i'll go for a jog later, just to stretch out those legs of mine.
I want to jog past our future house and see how many stories they have completed.
The sense of anticipation should carry me well through the rain splattered streets... =)

Dreams to ashes...

Pre-martial woes....n super early ones...
Facebook is not the ideal place to release one's emotions n neither do i wish to confide in anyone so i guess this blog shall be my refuge, better since it has been dormant for some time n nobody reads it animore.

I dun understand. Can't a ger even dream?? Almost every ger dream of having a dream wedding, decked out in fairytale like finery to celebrate what is always thought of as e happiest day in her life.

I know the limits n i'm also willing to cut down on alot of frills n stuff n just opt for e basics, even the gown itself. But can't i even dream about my kind of wedding? Can't I even surf the net to check out the resplendent gowns even though i know i wun hv the chance to wear them?

I read my blog entries frm a few yrs back n realised sthg. Fight as i may, deny as i wish, being in a relationship has changed me. i'm less myself now. i meet up less often with frens. I shelve my exercise plans on wkends. It's entirely my own choice n i hv no one else to blame.

Anyways, i'm sick and tired of all e incessant fights over something that should be a happy event.
The happiest event in my life.
How ironic.
I haven't blogged such raw emotions for so long.
But i need it and i'm going to cast all my inhibitions aside.
Because this is my space.
and if i want to rant and vent, i shall do that.

I've packed away my enthusiasm, hopes and joy in a little box and tucked them away in my heart.
Perhaps, they may never see daylight again.
So be it, if that's the case.

Exam Fever...

It's 6pm n i'm at the SMU lib nw, with Miles, cramming for our exams...It's e Econometrics paper tml n we just had our Public Finance and Taxation paper yest, my least fave paper... The lib has become the place where we spend much of our time, nt even during the pre-exams period bt the wkends as well, doing our assignments, catching up on lost revision, haizzz.... Certainly nt e most romantic place on earth, to say e least...

Bt there r romantic moments every nw n den, i'll hv to admit, even in e veri crowded n exam-fever infested library of SMU. That moment seized upon me just nw when we were both listening to some Xmas songs on AOL radio n tis incredibly beautiful Xmas song by Mariah Carey came on. I snuck a peep at Miles who was simply nonchantly going about his Econometrics revision. Suffice it to say tt the romantic notion was veri one sided...*grinz*. Bt i still lurve such moments, a flash of inspiration every now and then does wonders to perk oneself up when u get stuck in e dull, dreary, monotonous routine of everyday life. I had another moment a few days ago when i was listening to jazz music n watching the rain fall outside the library...

Ok, enuff of romanticizing one's exams mugging... Back to econometrics, I last did a level 2 econometrics module in NUS n i abhorred it though surprisingly, i gt an A- for it. This time round, i actually like it better, perhaps, cuz in comparison with Statistics which we did earlier this semester, at least i cud understand it better. Yest's paper din go all tt well, all that i rememebered were all jumbled up in e head n what i cud remember got translated into clumsy, rambling sentences in e essay portion. Hope all goes well for the paper tml. Sat will be the last paper, Macroeconomics which used to be my fave subject but having a rather disorganised prof teach it sorta took my enthusiasm for this subject down a few notches. I still find it all rather interesting, though..so hopefully, tt will see me through the entire exams...= )

Just a Lil' Cold...

Gosh, it's been more den half a yr since i last blogged... I guess with the advent of facebook, ppl are finding it easier to share n update their life's events via tt. I was actually quite a latecomer to Facebook n stoutly refused to join it.... Onli signed up for it when i felt bored after leaving my job...

Tis e rainy season...it started early this yr...another sign of e wacky weather woes induced by global warming... Bt i'm glad! Cold, misty weather just makes for a more authentic Xmas experience = ) Had my bdae abt a wk ago... Birthdays these few yrs have been relatively quiet affairs. It suddenly occured to me tt the last time I celebrated my bdae with my closest grp of frens, 2A was actually 4 yrs ago...bk in 2005...Oh well... I'm glad to hv 2 new grps of gd frens tis r round, though....cuz it's always a sweet thing to hv ur gd frens rem ur bdae n celeb it with u.= ) Met up with Wen n ha, as usual, our interests seemed headed in e same trajectory. In a nutshell, renovation, cooking n exercise..haha, though i'm definitely nt as adventurous as she is in the last arena. She's trying out pole dancing and gyrotonics! Cool!

I last blogged that May would be a month of trepidation...Well, September turned out to be a month of roller coaster rides indeed. I'm just glad tt it's all over n i do need to thank Miles for constantly being there when i needed his support, esp when he's oredi having a hard time juggling both work and studies. I never imagined that we would be studying together, actually. When he first broached the idea of doing a Masters', I was quite skeptical, given tt i had just started on a new job, plus e fact that his area of interest: financial engineering or Masters in Applied Finance just din appeal to me all that much. Bt after much serious consideration n us reaching common ground by him opting for the course that I wanted (Economics), cramming for the GMAT was done within 2 wks b4 all e other misc stuff like getting testimonials frm my boss, writing a personal essay etc was wrapped up....right up to the 1 day b4 the deadline.

I never regretted this decision n am glad tt i've met a bunch of real gd frens frm e course. Significant also cuz they're our first mutual frens....as a couple, we nvr had e chance to make any mutual good frens until we embarked on this learning journey. Though without regrets, i have to say that taking up a Master's course does require lots of sacrifices. Gd thing is that we're dg it tog = )

Anyways, sista's getting married next Jan! I've oredi ordered my dress online n am mighty lookin forward to receiving it frm the friendly postlady... who prob already know my inclinatins towards online retail therapy, having delivered many such parcels to a eager, bright-eyed ger in the morning. Ha, receiving a parcel via post n unwrapping it to reveal the gems within really feels like Xmas...just without the surprise.

It's a present to oneself= ) n i do believe that's wad we all need every now and then. Esp during the Xmas season so ....do indulge and enjoy = )

Feel like running

Been swimming n cycling recently, reallie feel like gg bk to my running days...
Those early morning 10km runs along e canal, those sweltering 20km runs at East Coast with training buddy back when i was training for my marathon.
It's interesting. I started running to get over some stuff n always did it alone.
Running has always been a solitary activity for me.

Bt i'm glad too that along e way, i met reallie special running frens who made me enjoy running even more. Even though we no longer run tog animore, those memories will always stay with me = )

Ploughing forward...

It's been reallie sweltering weather these few days n it's gotten me in a mighty pfiffy mood...i dun feel anything bt hot n sticky e whole day....bleah..
Totally feel like escaping to a winter place, Soph's in Venice for work for 3 wks!! *envious* if onli i could scoot there for a hol too..
anywhere will do, if it has to be a tropical place, just give me the beach n i'll be just fine.

We finally gt our wheels out for a long overdue ride. Tis time, we went to MacRitchie..it was a nice road, albeit with quite a bit of up n down slopes bt at least it was wide enuff, was thankfully free frm pedestrians n hence afforded us the spin tt we hardly hv a chance to njoy. We're nt confident of takin to e roads yet given e heavy traffic n e infamous Sporeans' attitude towards cyclists on e rd. Bt a late nite cycling trip shud be coming up soon, one tt we've been putting off forever. I've been cycling n swimming veri often of late bt i hardly run nowadays....Feels like i've turned my back on running. Perhaps, i shud sign up for just a 10k run to get me all inspired to train.

I've been feelin pretty narrow minded these few days...figure i shud just snap out of my reverie n get down to dg something more practical. As to what tt pragmatism translates itself to, tt's sthg i gotta figure out myself.
Bt i think i reallie shud start sticking to my mantra in life n tt's living life to the fullest no matter wad curve life throws you.

Stumbling Blocks...

I've been feeling reallie unhappy recently.
Hw I wish I could go back to 1 yr ago when i was just starting out on a new job n feeling al sprightly n full of life.